British hotel candy

Bear with me, this is going to be a long one.

I was just introduced, courtesy of a client (by mentioning them, not by paying for me to go stay there), to British hotel chain Firmdale Hotels, who are actually apparently about to launch their first stateside property. There are six Firmdale hotels scattered throughout London, each decorated by one of the owners, Kit Kemp, in what she calls a "fresh, contemporary English style," and though the iterations get awfully repetitive after you've scrolled through all the images of all the rooms in all the hotels (I was perhaps a little bit overly thorough in my due diligence), she's got some ideas that are really refreshing after years of slicked-out, bland-ola hotel design. And the buildings themselves are spectacular. To wit:

the Knightsbridge Hotel:


The Haymarket Hotel:


The Soho Hotel:


And by the way, can anyone tell me what London's Soho gets its name from, and which one was first? I know what our So and Ho is (South of Houston (which is pronounced How-ston, for anyone attempting tourist camouflage)), but what about London? Anyway. The Charlotte Street Hotel:


The Covent Garden Hotel:


And Number Sixteen:


Now. Most of the rooms are some sort of variant on this type of scheme:





Giant Alice-in-Wonderland headboard, swirly mix of prints; fun, cute, modern, youthful. Cool.

They also seem to have purchased the entire catalog from Chesney's:




which I fully support because those are beautiful, elegant, classic fireplaces. But what happens when you stroll into the bathroom for a long, relaxing shower?

GNNUUAAAAAGHHHHHHH!!!!



You are buried alive! In a tomb of ugly, relentless gray granite tile, the only relief from which are tiny islands of out-of-place cherry millwork and hot spots of life-sucking fluorescent light.

How is it possible that the same person who dreamed up this cuteness:


Also thought that this


was a luxurious, spa-like environment in which to bathe the body and soothe the soul?

But anyway, moving along... all is not lost. All the hotels have well-appointed private rooms and guest areas, though curiously, another weak point in the designs seemed to be the restaurants. They Haymarket is the best, by far. The Conservatory reminds me again of Alice in Wonderland (and is giving me an unbearable craving for scones):



The Shooting Gallery offers updated old-world elegance:



But where am I hanging out when I'm staying there? The pool, obvi.


I'll be clocking my laps in disco style, and when I need a break I can swan over to the bar to pick up a cocktail,


and recline elegantly on one of the --OMG--gold tufted leather fainting couches.


I truly love the fact that they included lane markers on the bottom of the pool, though I question why they are not gold mosaic rather than black tile.


I vote we go. The pound is weaker than it's been in ages, which makes everything only breathtakingly expensive as opposed to pathologically so. Only problem is, I can't really think of anything I want to do in London right now, except hang out at that pool, but I'm sure I could come up with something.